THE BACKGROUND
Hello! My name is Rusty Nokes. I am a survivor of childhood trauma and a recovering porn, substance and behavior addict. I was brought up in a dysfunctional home that modeled addi... View MoreTHE BACKGROUND
Hello! My name is Rusty Nokes. I am a survivor of childhood trauma and a recovering porn, substance and behavior addict. I was brought up in a dysfunctional home that modeled addiction (porn, sex, alcohol and drugs), abuse (emotional, physical and verbal), abandonment, and adultery.
My dad taught me as early as 5 to lust after women by pointing to certain ones and making sexist remarks. Usually while driving around with a beer between his legs. Both my parents were unfaithful and I grew very confused, angry and resentful. Along the way I discovered my dad’s pornographic magazines and my mother’s sex books and a small seed began to germinate.
At age 10 I reached a threshold of tolerance for the dysfunction at home and wrote a letter to my grandparents, who I and my siblings had grown up staying with from time to time while mom and dad sorted things out. We soon ended up in their custody. Deeply religious, they raised us well, but the legalistic rules without relationship culture was not enough to keep me grounded and once I found access to pornography at another relative’s house my addiction took root.
Once in college and on my own I also began to drink heavily and entered early phases of alcoholism. I got married 2 years into college. The relationship lasted 4 years. My porn/sex addiction progressed and I ended up cheating on her multiple times until the relationship ended. My next relationship lasted 14 years and ended due to my addictions as well.
THE TURN AROUND
My third marriage turned out to be to an angel from heaven that had drawn the short straw and got assigned to me I brought my addictions into this marriage as well, but thankfully at about 8 years into it God used this angel to start me on a journey of healing and recovery. She slapped me, with velvet gloves, but it got my attention. Alcohol was no problem quitting this time. The other, not so much.
I began to do a lot of group work as well as go through educational teaching series specializing in porn, sex and behavioral addictions. I have since become a leader of such groups. As I grew in my recovery I began seeking out ways I could help others. My search lead me to ARCS (Addiction Recovery Counseling Services) where I certified as an Addiction and Abuse Recovery Coach.
Although we will work with anyone, my heart is for the men in the church who are trapped like I was. Many feel like they have nowhere to turn. There is still a stigma amongst the church and it is still the 800 pound gorilla in the room in many cases.
It is as much a brain problem as it is a moral problem. Trying harder won't work. Praying more and reading your Bible more won't work. Most of the time there is a heart wound created by some kind of trauma(s) and the addicted person has been medicating pain long before they knew they were dong so. There is a way to get free. It takes work and it is not easy but I promise that if a person is willing to do the work, healing from wounds and learning how to cope in healthy ways is possible.
I you need and want help cutting the net of porn/sex addiction in your life, contact us for a free consultation. I work with men and my wife, Amy Jo Nokes, works with women.
Net Cutters - 210-468-7871
coachrustynokes@gmail.com
