I was born with congenital hypothyroidism. I developed very slow physically, emotionally, and mentally, and was considered developmentally retarded. I was in special education classes, I was bullied and was a bully. At a very young age of 3 or 4 approximately, i got exposed to pornography. I had a unhealthy interest in sexuality at a very young age at this point i do not remember why. I also used to want to be a boy at a very young age, about 6 or 7 years of age. I always wanted to have short hair and wear boys clothing and did so all throughout my adult life. Throughout my young life the interest in pornography and sex proceeded into my adult life. I started to have an interest in the same sex, dated women, had sexual relationships with men as well which led me to feel dirty, used, and ashamed afterward, then finally decided to become a full-fledged lesbian. I had an interest in the occult, I cut myself, I was depressed, always suffered from extreme anxiety and depression, I had a victim mentality, i was selfish, manipulative, i looked for validation constantly in the same sex relationships, my mom wasn't a very affectionate person, she was controlling, we had a love/hate toxic mother/daughter relationship. I really didn't have much of relationship with my father, he kind of did not want anything to do with us. I craved the affection and attention of other women to which I could never get enough and that in itself caused a lot of problems in my relationships. My family from my mother's side believed in God. My mother was raised church in the Pentecostal denomination but i really witnessed any of them practice any holiness. One of my aunts was actually a witch or at least proclaimed to be. I tried to seek God a few times in my adult life and backslid multiple times, and still went back to what i have always known and felt comfortable with. I have rededicated my life several times. I found it very difficult to try to live holy, I had one foot in the world one foot in the kingdom, lukewarm, always complaining and making excuses for my behavior. I met a guy at work, figured i would give a legitimate heterosexual relationship a chance. He is an unbeliever, but I guess maybe i can help him. I fornicated with him and began to crave love and validation from him that he was not capable of giving me. I tried to be the best girlfriend that i could. The happiness I felt in the beginning really started to fade very quickly, i really ignored the red flags and the warnings in my spirit that was not God's will for me to be with him, and i was living in blatant sin. I drank alcohol, my anxiety got to an extreme, he wasn't living up to what i expected him to be, i was unhappy and disappointed not only in him but in myself. Right before the mandatory quarantine, I quit my job as a correctional officer, started smoking weed, anxiety to the extreme i wanted to numb myself. I know God was calling out to me to repent and return to Him and i just felt like i really needed to end this relationship with my significant other because he shown no evidence that he wanted to get married, I wanted to get married eventually. He had no interest in religion or God whatsoever. We mutually broke up because of that. I wanted to seek God and renew my relationship with Him. I continued to seek and pursue God although I was heartbroken, my flesh did not want to submit to this, I was soul-tied to this individual and I do still really care for him and love him but I know what I had to do, I am tired of backsliding. I wanted it to be the last time, I am still seeking and searching for God still. The Holy Spirit is teaching me, cleansing me, sanctifying me, I am being healed from all of the deep rooted wounds in my soul. God is not done with me yet, I believe and trust that HE will complete the work He started in me. I am sorry this is a lot to read, I have to condense it all but i really hope this helps someone. If you are struggling with sin or these particular sins then please understand that only Jesus can heal us and save us. This peace the world offers is false peace. You can overcome, you can be delivered, and free!
A group to share your testimony and fellowship, to lead others to Jesus Christ for deliverance, healing, and freedom from homosexuality and other sexual sins that keep us in bondage.